Monday, April 6, 2009

Mommy Dearest

My dear sweet Vivi is learning her lessons well. Today my person came in to the dungeon box. I sometimes make the assumption that she is going to let us out, but that is not always the case. Vivi promptly ran around the stall with no intention of being captured. There were a few times I had to intervene and get in between her and person but she got the idea. Honestly watching my person run around me in the stall with that halter in her hand was so amusing. I will get into my feeling about how our persons strap cow skin around our heads later...

Friday, April 3, 2009

Well my life has turned completely upside down. A few days ago my weight gain became overwhelming. I was so incredibly upset at my person. She was doing absolutely nothing about it. It had really gotten to the point where I couldn’t not even look at her. My person locked me up in that god awful cave at night and somehow managed to make the sun shine all night. I could not sleep for days. My stomach began to move uncontrollably throughout the evenings. I tried kicking it and biting it to make it stop. That has worked successfully to make other nuisances go away, but this one was persistent.

A few nights ago the pain in my stomach was at its worst. All I could do to relieve myself was to walk. Now if my person was kind enough to escort me to a larger area maybe I could have walked that off. But no I was stuck and could only move in a small circle. Then the event of a lifetime happened. I had to lay down, for the pain was unbearable. After a few minutes of screaming and cramping….she was there…..

This beautiful little creature was at my feat. I called to her and she called back. How did she know who I was? How did I know who she was? I did not think that there could be anything else to possess the amount of beauty I have. For once in my life I am wrong. And yes you will probably never hear me say those words again. This beautiful little girl fascinates me. I can’t take my eyes off of her. I realize over the last few days that my desire to control the world has taken a pleasant turn. I had taken it upon myself that I must preach my philosophy and values to the population. Buy why bother, honestly, is it really worth it? If my fellow equines have not come to the same conclusions that I have then that proves their weakness and lack of ability to stand up for our cause. Why teach my ways to others when I have this fresh mind at my hooftips, yearning for my teachings.

My education will start slow, it really is the best way to ensure these values are rooted deep in her little mind. My person has taken it upon herself to start engaging herself with my daughter. She has given her a peculiar name of Vivi, whatever that means. Though I did her that her real name is Vienna CuvĂ©e, why she doesn’t call her that I do not understand, its much more dignified. Oh well I have already established that my person is a simple-minded as they get, but what can you expect from a human. I have named her myself, but I will keep it to myself for the time being. Our first teaching was learning the act of fake submissiveness. For some reason persons work very hard to have us horses be submissive. I think it gives them some feeling of security. Vivi learned that she should let person put the halter on her and stand very quietly for it. Then as soon as she sees that person has taken her eye off her she should leap around the stall striking and bucking. It completely takes the person my surprise and totally shatters that “sense of security” and omits any thought that person has “control”

Friday, March 20, 2009

Richard Simmons where are you?

Some time ago back when the sun was shining and I wasn't wearing this god awful blue sheet I had a very horrible experience with a man with plastic hands. He seemed nice enough at first. I allowed him to pet my neck and he attempted to win me over with a apple. I was not sure why my person brought him to the barn but he was nice enough so fine. The proceeding events are too awful to even think about. It would be un lady like of me to indulge you with the gory details. To better understand the following events after this day lets just say they involved strange devices held by the plastic handed man and a lip chain. If you think one day was bad of this try 5. He came back over and over doing the same thing to me. Though he was nice and gave me treats every time I took them only for my own gratification, not for his...evil evil man.
Now I have been around enough to know that this was some kind of new high tech medical procedure. I had seen this plastic handed man around the barn before when some of the horses had been ill or in pain. However I was confused. I was not ill, i was not in pain so what was he doing.

He has not come back since, thank goodness. I still do not know what he was doing. There has been a new man coming around ever so often. He is extremely nice and knows exactly where my blue sheet rubs my back and makes it itchy. He doesn’t do anything, just pets me and talks to my person. I do get fearful that I may have that lip chain experience again, but so far not. I think he needs to come though. I have not been feeling well at all for the last few weeks. I can tell that I have gained an enormous about of weight. I have been trying to cut back on my food, even though my person keeps giving me more. Doesn’t' she understand that a mare like me needs to stay in optimum shape, its expected. My stomach is growing more and more every day. I am so mad at it. I kick it and bite it constantly but nothing changes. I have been feeling sleepy a lot lately to. I guess I just need by beauty sleep.

Ahhhh...I have figured it out

Over many days of standing peacefully in my pasture contemplating on why know one understands my theory and understanding of the world I came to this realization. Due to the fact that my person keeps me in this small confined box, that let me quickly add is absolutely horrendously grotesque and is better suited for pigs, I am unable to reach the vast audience that is well deserved of my teachings and philosophy. Then it came to me….telepathy. I have found that there are moments within a day where my person is doing nothing more then endlessly clicking on that light box thing that contains images of tiny horses and boring words. I noticed one day that she does not use this light box thing alone, for other horses persons look at this too. I also soon came to realize that some of the horses I occasionally mingle with generally agree with their person and follow them like cowards. Maybe my teachings are going upon deaf ears with them and it’s really the persons I should be working on. So while my person is unfocused at what she is really suppose to be doing I found that I can temporarily tap into her weak primitive mind and have her display my teachings on her light box to display to all the other horse persons in the world.